Waterworld: Day 7

This post is part of an ongoing project where I attempt to watch all of Waterworld in 5 minute chunks.

The jet-ski's are coming in fast. The jet-skis them selves? Not in brand new condition. They look a little worn in. There's also a boat with some rough lookin dudes on it. One of them has a shotgun. I'm sure he's not the only one packing heat though. Some one just yelled kill which suggests that my theory was correct, they are in fact bad news.

The city is going into defense mode! (Which really just means they're closing the windows and lining up around the top of the city/island/town. One of the elders said something along the lines of "We're safe behind this wall...aren't we?" to another of the elders and then his mouth just lingered there as if he was expecting a kiss.

The bad guys have surrounded the island, and started to just dilly dally around and make they're presence know. The camera keeps panning around their machine guns and weapsons to let us know that they are in fact dangerous. And now for the villain reveal! An evil looking bald man sitting on a throne that is mounted on one of the big bad guy boats. It's Dennis Hopper! Smoking a cigarette! The whole freaking world is water, where did he find cigarettes?!?! He said something about the key to city, but I was to distracted to actually comprehend it because my mind is still hung up on the cigarette thing. I can hear people loading their weapons, I guess they're about to attack. BULLETS EVERYWHERE.

The bullets just keep coming. For a long time. There are also flaming arrows, Molotov cocktails, hoses, and sling shots in the fight. It's pretty much chaos for awhile. There is even bad guys water skiing? This is just stupid. That would be the worst way to travel/attack. Ohhhh I see know they are on water skis so that they can ramp off the big ramps and get into the city. Well, I was wrong that's not stupid at all! Now the jet-skis are jumping too. This town is screwed! Haha another water skier tried to do the jump but just hit the wall. What a great gag.

More chaos...and then the best thing I've seen in this movie yet. We've got a third and final water skier getting ready to jump the ramp. He hits the ramp, everything is looking good. He does it, he makes the jump. He's in the town! but wait oh no, something is in the way of his landing. IT IS A CAGED UP KEVIN COSTNER!!! WHAT WILL HAPPEN?!?!



Hobby Time: Bikes

Home cooking, puppy dog, family, and my parent's huge TV are some of my favorite things about coming home for the holidays. One of my other favorite things is riding my bike in the suburbs of Houston. I am by no means an avid bike rider. I know very little about how to properly bike and things like that, but I do love riding.

Unfortunately the hills of Austin, Tx are a huge pain in my legs. I live in S. Austin so I can ride in pretty much any direction and find nothing but huge hills. When I'm back home in Houston i can ride for hours without having to worry about riding up an incline.

The Art of Waterworld

Every year before Christmas a group of my friends and I have a big Christmas party, among the festivites are feasting, unsecisarrily compilcated traditions, and, of course, presents. This year my friend Casey Polacheck gave me this awesome painting of me and Kevin Costner kicking in the magical world of Waterwold.

8-bit Xmas

Video game Christmas tree as seen on 8BitFix

SemiReview: Men of a Certain Age

Just now I turned on the TV and caught the last 5 minutes of the second episode of "Men of a Certain Age" and I think I'm in love. To be fair it was only 5 minutes, but it went straight for the heart. It was funny, sweet, sad and sincere. The three main actors (Ray Romano, Andre Braugher, and Scott Bakula) have great chemistry and act like friends actually act. 3 old guys living life, drinking beer, and cursing; based on my brief exposure to the show I want to see more.

Arrested Development Clip

There's nothing like a little bit of Arrested Development to brighten your day.

Happy Holidays

Happy
Holidays
From
Things
That
Entertain
Proctor

Demos of the Year

Sometimes I'll download and play the demo of a game and then never get around to actually playing the game. Here is my list of the the best demos that I played of games that I didn't for 2009.
















Game Self: Guitar Hero World Tour

I have two virtual Proctors in the world of "Guitar Hero World Tour," one a bald headed glam rock guitarist (not pictured), the other a scruffy looking drummer with a slight resemblance to myself. At the end of the day the only resemblance the drummer and I have are blonde hair. Mine is short, his is long. I've got no scruff and he's got a plenty. I have no rhythm, he has some. But like my gang leader in Saint's Row 2 I thought I'd try and imagine what I'd look like as a drummer...and I guess this is it. Drummer on a big purple drum set. Wearing a t-shirt with a shark on it. And having two sleeves worth of obnoxious tattoos.

Shadow Complex only $10

Last week Xbox's Major Nelson announced December's Xbox Live releases as well as what's going to be on sale in the coming month. Among the announcements he said that during the week of December 21st this year's side scrolling shooter "Shadow Complex" would be on sale for only 800 Microsoft point (That's $10 in real money).

Finally! I don't know why, but I never a end up buying downloadable games onto my Xbox. It probably has to do with the pain of converting money to Microsoft points and then not being able to just buy enough point for what I want to purchase. Regardless, I will be buying Shadow Complex because for $10 it is a steal.

Love/Hate: Watching No Reservations

Love: Watching Anthony Bourdain, or anyone for that matter, eat delicious looking foods from other countries. I love food, a lot. Problem is that I'm not any good at making any, and I'm pretty cheap so I rarely want to go spend money on it. My solution is simple, watch other people eat food on TV. Bourdain goes around the globe and does exactly what I want to see, he goes to the places where great food comes from and eats it. Perfect.
Hate: Bourdain's narration telling me how each of his trips is like an out of body experience and how he constantly considers leaving his cool New York City lifestyle to relax in a small hut somewhere on an Asian island. It happens every freaking time! I get it, travel is cool. Seeing people live differently than you do is crazy, but I'm tired of hearing you yap about the same thing in every episode. Stop talking and EAT SOMETHING.

This Week in Food


















Waterworld: Day 6

This post is part of an ongoing project where I attempt to watch all of Waterworld in 5 minute chunks.

Costner's cage is slowly being lowered and some old man is chanting something. Costner is shaking the cage as it gets closer and closer to a vat of some sort of yellow substance, maybe a big bowl of mustard? The bartender is looking up at him with a worried expression. I sense there could be some kind of love connection here.

And all of a sudden we're looking at a man with a telescope and the music has started to hint at some kind of tension or problem. Oh yeah, definitely a problem. Something is heading toward the island. The telescope man notices and starts yelling something. Spartans? Spiders? Smokers?

Whew! The island goes into a state of emergency RIGHT BEFORE Costner is submerged in the mustard like substance. Bells are ringing, people are screaming, looks like there is about to be a riot. A whole fleet of jet-skis are approaching. This looks like big time trouble

Game Self: Dragon Age: Origins

The next part of my continuing look at how I look in video games. This time we're looking at Dragon Age: Origins (I've now clocked 20+) and my main character. I took a different approach to this one and I decided to go with something completely different so I'm playing through the adventure as dwarven warrior who wields a sword in one hand and a dagger in the other. I went all out with the dwarven thing, didn't try to make him resemble myself at all (hence the giant beard and face tattoo). It's awkward for me to play a game as someone not resembling me and it's even more dwarf. EVERYONE is taller than you and a ton of in game characters tease me for my stature and race. Sucks, but it's definitely an interesting way to play a game.

Sam the cat

Last week one of my girlfriend's cats named Sam had to be put to sleep. He was never her favorite cat, or anyone in the family's, but he was mine. By my nature I'm a dog guy. Love them to death and would choose dogs over cats any day. But Same was different. He was dumb! And I mean that in the nicest way, that's really why I liked him. He was easy to love, at least for me, because all he wanted was a friend. Just someone to pet him and sit with him while he screamed like a baby. Sam was my friend, and I was his. Rest in peace buddy.

Game Self: Saint's Row 2

A good portion of modern video games allow players to customize their virtual self's looks, clothes, and movement and I, as a gamer, have always been fascinated with what people make themselves look like in these games. I love to see what my friends make their characters look like in all the different games. I tend to make my characters look similar to my real life self but I'll usually make a few changes based on the setting of the game and action that I'm doing in the game. For example here is my character from last years Saint's Row 2. I tried to make my character look like what I would look like...if I was a gang leader.

Another Freestyle for the BET Awards

Here's another freestyle video that aired during the BET Awards. The video features The Roots' Black Thought, Mos Def, and Eminem.

Impressions: Lego Rock Band

Last night I got the chance to play a little bit of "Lego Rock Band" aka the worst idea for a game ever! The game plays just exactly like regular "Rock Band" except that everything is made of Legos. What?!?! The game isn't worthless though. It is the only rhythm/music game to feature Europe's 1986 classic The Final Countdown. And it is AWESOME.

Trailer: ODB Doc.

It's been 5 years since Wu-Tang memeber Ol' Dirty Bastard died and now the first Wu endorsed documentary about the late great ODB is soon to be released. Here's the trailer. I'm pumped!

Ol Dirty Bastard Documentary Trailer Brooklyn Zu

Strange Games of 00's Vol. 4

Part 4 of my "Games I shouldn't have liked...but did" list of the last ten years.

2006: Cabela's Alaskan Adventure (Xbox 360)
I've only been hunting once in my life, and to be frank I was terrible at it. I'm an impatient person with no real experience shooting fire arms. Thank God for video games. My friend Chris and I rented this game based only on the title, our thought was what could be better than an Alaskan adventure? The answer, a lot of things. This game was terrible. The graphics where terrible, the premise didn't actually interest us, and the game was, for the most part, broken. BUT! There was one thing about it we really liked. The game pretty much played itself. All we had to do was find an animal and point our gun in it's general direction and then the bullet would find its way to the animal regardless of the how well we aimed. The bullet would curve if it had to do. It would go through trees if it had to. No matter what though it would hit our prey. So we played it for like 3 days then got bored and took it back.

2007: PictoChat (DS)
PictoChat came out installed on all DS's when they came out in 2004 but I never found it's full potential until a car trip in early 2007. PictoChat is pretty much just a chat room for DS's within close range and users can type messages or draw little pictures. During a painful drive to Austin for some play festival my friend, and co-star, Zach and I sat in the back seat of the van and drew pictures back and forth for 2 1/2 hours. Sometimes the pictures where just random little doodles, but other times they where hilarious comments on what was happening in the car. The drive would have been brutal had we not had PictoChat. I've since only used it a few other times, but nothing will beat that time.

Freestyle Cypher from the BET Awards

I wrote a little bit about my recent love for Nicki Minaj yesterday, this video is what originally turned me on to here. All 4 of the rappers that are free styling in the video do really well but Nicki and Joe Budden are my favorites.

Review: Small Worlds

In 15 short minutes David Shute's Small Worlds gave me a sense of exploration that I haven't felt in over 10 years. Small Worlds is a simple flash game where players are tasked with nothing but exploring and discovering a beautiful world. There are no bad guys, no challenges, just exploration.

All of the worlds you travel to are beautiful pieces of art that are slowly uncovered as you hop around the world, the more you discover the more you want to play. The game also features a fantastic score, and even better than that is free. Small Worlds is more of an experience than a game, an experience that you shouldn't pass up.

Dragon Age: Orgins = Time Suck

I'm 11 hours into Bioware's latest medieval rpg and I don't think I ever want to stop playing. One of the best games I've ever played. Currently I'm playing through the game as a dwarven warrior who was born in the slums, but I'm already planning my character for my next play-through, but it looks like it'll be awhile before I finish my character. The game is deep, has great characters, deep story, and some very dark stuff. The game looks like Fable II and plays like Baulder's Gate II. You couldn't ask for a better combination.

Strange Games of 00's Vol. 3

Part 3 of my "Games I shouldn't have liked...but did" list of the last ten years .

2004: Backyard Wrestling 2: There Goes the Neighborhood (Xbox)
Never once in my life have I had any urge to watch the backyard wrestling movies that you sometimes see ads for late at night, but for some reason in 2004 I rented "Backyard Wrestling 2: There Goes the Neighborhood." I guess it was some kind of fluke but it was for the better. The game, which pits white trash warriors against each other in a homemade back yard wrestling ring, was actually one of the only enjoyable wrestling games I've ever played. I have no real interest in watching professional wrestling on TV, but for some reason I've always wanted to enjoy a wrestling game. Backyard Wrestling was the only time I've had fun and been good at a wrestling game. I guess it didn't hurt that you could break flourecent light bulbs on people's heads and play as Andrew W.K.

2005: Dynasty Warriors 5 (Ps2)

Feel free to disagree but I think that all six Rocky movies are pretty much the same. Sure some of the characters and settings change...but at the end of the day it's just Stallone getting all sweaty and fighting someone. That's not to say the movies are bad, in fact I like them. I have the same relationship with the Dynasty Warriors franchise. They're all pretty much the same game, but that hasn't stopped me from playing them. The basic gist is you are an old time Chinese army commander and you fight a ton of bad guys...over and over again. Dynasty Warriors 5 was no different, it was basically the same game I'd been playing for the but I still played the crap out of it.

SERSTAGP: "Bedrock" Young Money.

SERSTAGP stand fro Embarrassing Rap Song That's A Guilty Pleasure

Songs featuring Lil Wayne and Drake are a dime a dozen, it seems like there are at least 3 new ones every day, and they vary greatly in quality. They range from average to great, but the one thats on the top of my list? Bedrock.

"Bedrock" is performed by the Young Money crew which includes Lil' Wayne, Gudda Gudda, Nicki Minaj, Drake, Tyga, and Jae Millz. The song also features R&B sing Lloyd. The song, which sees all the performers rapping a small verse in between Lloyd singing the cheesy, and oh so catchy chorus "Call Me Mr. Flintstone, I Can Make Your Bed Rock."

The main reason I love this song is Ms. Nicki Minaj's presence. Right now Minaj is one of the most entertaining mc's in the game. Her lyrics are never too serious, her voice sounds different than any rapper I've ever heard, she's got a great sense of humor, and her rhymes and solid. She brings it on "Bedrock" just like she does on every song.

It's a really playful track, and everyone sounds like they're having a good time. The video, which was released on the 7th, confirms that feeling. It's just a bunch of friends rapping and having a good time.

Flash Game: Canabalt

Need a quick distraction from studying? Try Canabalt. It's a simple flash game where you run through a city as it invaded by robot-aliens. It sounds complicated, but isn't. It's a quick, easy, one button game that is fun for at least 3 minutes.

Top 5: Charlie Kelly

Most of the characters on my top 5 T.V. characters list have been lacking in the intelligence department, but this one takes the cake. Charlie Kelly is dumb. He's dirty. He's addicted to inhalants. He lives in poverty. He can't read or write. But he's one of the most brilliant characters on television.

Charlie is one of the main character's on FX's "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia." He co-owns a pub and works as the pubs custodian. Charlie mind works in a way so different from most of the world that words can barely describe it. Here's a quote from the episode "Dennis Reynolds: An Erotic Life"

Dee: What were you even doing in that crawlspace, Charlie?
Charlie: Well, for starters, I was minding my own business. I was also trying to do a little light reading, and then I was putting some cheese in the rat traps.
Dee: You were putting the cheese in the rat traps?
Charlie: Yes!
Dee: Can I smell your mouth?
Charlie: Why?
Dee: You were eating the cheese, weren't you? Out of the rat traps.
Charlie: No—well, yes—I mean, I was eating the old cheese to test it to see why the rats weren't eating it.

Strange Games of 00's Vol. 2

Part 2 of my "Games I shouldn't have liked...but did of the last ten years" list.

2002: Car Battler Joe (GBA)
Terrible graphics, stupid title, and a dumb story usually make for an awful game, but that isn't the case with "Car Battler Joe." You play Joe, a 16 year old boy looking for adventure, as he begins his career as a car battler. You save up money to buy new parts for your battle dune buggy. The game has you run errands and battle other car battlers to earn money. The thing that drew me to this game was the customization of the cars. You bought and equipped new weapons, engines, and armor and that's the kind of stuff I love. I really don't recall any story or any of the characters, just customized the crap out of my car and battling people.

2003: Downhill Domination (Ps2)
Before "Downhill Domination" I had no idea that the whole world of downhill mountain biking existed. "Downhill Domination" is an extreme sports racing game that sends you barreling down mountains atop a mountain bike. I don't know how I stumbled upon this game but when it wound up in my hands I couldn't put it down. How could a premise that I had no interest in be so freaking fun? The game shows speed better than almost any game I've ever played, half the time you are playing you almost feel like you can't even do anything but keep pedaling and hope for the best. If you play your cards right while your are riding you can find water bottles, rocks, and stick to hurl at your competitors. The only problem with the game? None of my friends ever wanted to play with me.

Will Arnett, Spike Jonze in David Cross's Pilot

Thanks to the UK's Channel 4 the internet has been treated with a glimpse of the pilot for David Cross's "The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret." I think the show looks great, but I'll let you judge for yourself.

The clip contains A LOT of foul language. Just a heads up.

Strange Games of 00's Vol. 1

As this strangely named decade (OO's?) comes to an end people are starting to look back at all the greatness that has happened within it. Me? I'd rather think about all the video games that I shouldn't have liked...but did. Here are the first two games that I had almost inexplicable love for.

2000: The Grinch (Dreamcast)
Around the age of 12 Christmas starts to loose some of it's magic as was the case during my 12th Christmas. You've either been told the truth about the holiday or you've used your pre-pubescent detective skills to figure it all out and it just isn't the same anymore. That is unless you pop in Konami's 2000 hit "The Grinch" into your Dreamcast. The game itself was pretty terrible. If I remember correctly you where collecting various Christmas items (candy canes, gifts, and ornaments to name a few) that where strewn throughout the magical land of Whoville. I think it was the setting that really made me love playing this game. If actually sort of felt like being in one of Dr. Seuss's worlds. The colors where bright, the graphics looked good for the time and the sound and music where incredible. The game stretched out some of the magic of Christmas just a little bit longer.

2001: The Bouncer (Ps2)
Maaan oh maaan is "The Bouncer" bad. Sometimes how much fun you have playing a video games is based more on who you are playing with rather than the actual quality of what you are playing. The best example of this is Square's "The Bouncer." Back in 01 my bestfriend Ross had a Playstation 2, which at the time was THE coolest thing you could have. So I was regularly over at his house playing the crap out of it with him and for some reason we always wanted to play "The Bouncer." The game puts in the shoes of, you guessed it, a bouncer who has to fight his way through hordes of generic bad dudes in an attempt to save the world from some kind of generic evil bad guy. It was nothing more the mediocre but we had such a good time playing it that we'll never really forget it.

Professor Layton a legend?

I was just on Amazon's Nintendo DS page looking around to see if there was any new games and part of there advertising was an option to pick your favorite legendary Nintendo character and it would show you all of their games. I just can't help but feel like one of these characters doesn't belong, and you probably know which one as he's only been in TWO games. Not only that but lets be honest NO ONE knows who is. (The answer is Professor Layton)

Top 5: Steven Karp

Last time I posted about my top 5 T.V. characters I mentioned how watching Futurama made me feel better about being away from home my freshmen year, that Christmas Undeclared sort of did the opposite. It made me miss the experience of feeling alone and completely starting over at the beginning of freshmen year.

Undeclared, created by Judd Apatow, is the story of a dorky high school student, Steven Karp played by Jay Baruchel, and his glorious transformation as he starts his freshmen year at the University of North Eastern California. The show didn't truly represent college life but it did an incredible job of capturing the strange, uncomfortable feelings that accompany starting life in at a new school.

I, like Steven Karp, was pretty nerdy in High School. It was never an issue. I was never teased for it. In fact I had a lot of friends and people, for the most part, liked me. The same couldn't be said for Karp. The show never went into too much detail but it is maid evident that High School wasn't a good experience for the guy and college is his chance to become a new man.

He's awkward. He's lame. He tries to hard. He is just like we all where when we were freshman and for that I love him.

Undeclared was canceled after one season. Maybe it was for the better. Freshman year only lasts a year.

Love/Hate: Playing Modern Warfare 2 Online

Love: Playing Modern Warfare 2 multiplayer. I sunk more time into Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare's multiplayer mode than I'd like to really think about. The game was balanced, fun, and rewarding. So rewarding in fact that it'd be easy to play for hours without even realizing it. Modern Warfare 2 has all of that and more, much much more. The new game has more weapon options, better levels, more modes of play, and tons of stuff to unlock and customize. I've already sunk around 15 hours into the online play and I have no urge to stop.

Hate: Playing with people on Xbox Live. I've been playing Modern Warfare 2 on Xbox 360, which means my only option online is Xbox Live. Unfortunately the Live community isn't the most pleasant to play with. Every time I enter a game I feel like at least a third of my fellow players are going to be jerks, and usually I'm correct. Never before in my life have I seen a group of people so full of themselves and over involved with their own personal success. People are constantly complaining, cursing, and yelling at and about other players. And there is usually no shortage of racial slurs being thrown around. It's a shame such a fun experience can be ruined by a few bad people

Waterworld: Day 5

This post is part of an ongoing project where I attempt to watch all of Waterworld in 5 minute chunks.

Now we see the village during the evening. Someone is in a cage...i think it is cost...yep it's Costner. The wrestler is scooting by on a boat. Maaaan he is UGLY. Poor Costner looks really sad.

The Camera cuts to the little girl with cornrows. She is drawing Costner's cage with charcoal. CREEPY OLD DUDE RUBBING HER BACK. I am not comfortable right now. The mom walked up and seems OK with the weird man touching her child. The mom/bartender/shop keep kinda looks like Kathrine Heigel.

Now someone is pointing a flash light at Mr. Costner's webbed feet. The creepy old man is the one with the flashlight. He is still very very creepy. And he is very excited about Costner's gills. He wants to learn about Costner. The old man has got a propeller on his hat. Costner keeps rocking the cage. He's not in the best of moods. The two are making some kind of deal.

Not gonna lie, the movie is getting pretty boring. It had kinda been picking up some steam but now it's pretty much lost me. Costner keeps shaking the cage. Now we see the sun start to rise. Some guys are riding Jet-Skis away from the beautiful sun rise. It now looks like everyone is going to some kind of court case. Yeah, it is a court case. Costner was just sentenced to be "recycled."

Me and Orson Welles Premiere

Tonight Zac Efron, Richard Linklater, and Christian McKay thrilled Austinites of all ages at the historical Paramount Theatre. The trio was walking the red carpet at the premiere of Linklater's new film "Me and Orson Welles."

Fans lined up in front of the theatre waiting to catch a glimpse of heart throb Efron as he posed for pictures and signed autographs. Linklater and McKay spent their time on the carpet answering questions and talking to friends.

"People say welcome back to Austin, and I say I never left" said Linklater. " I shot this U.K. but I'm back the day after wrap."

The film itself follows 17-year-old Richard Samuels, Efron, as meets Orson Welles, McKay, as he is cast in Welles' 1937 production of Julius Cesar. "Me and Orson Welles" also stars Claire Danes and will be released nation wide on December 11th.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon Love

Almost everyone I've talked to loves to hate on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon but I'm not sure why. My girlfriend and I have been watching the show regularly since it it debuted in March and we've loved it. Almost everything about it in fact. One of our favorite things to watch over the summer was 7th Floor West. Fallon's take on The Hills. It is magical. It follows Fallon as he starts his new job as host of Late Night. If you haven't given Fallon a change I highly recommend you do.

Keanu Watch: The Matrix Revolutions

This weekend I continued my search for Keanu Reeve's acting abilities whilst with some old friends from high school. The movie? The Matrix Revolutions. The verdict? Still not a good actor. Keanu Watch continues.

The Matrix was my first real exposure to Keanu Reeve's and back in 6th grade when I saw it I thought it was the best, and I may have even thought Keanu was the best but as time has passed the film has become less and less memorable. The sequels however where never memorable. In fact I don't think I ever even saw the third installment untill this Saturday.

I don't even think I can get into the story line as it's long, confusing, poorly developed, and to be frank I don't really fully understand what all went down in this final chapter. The directors did however figure something out with this film. Less Keanu=more good. For most of the second half of this movie Keanu said nothing. And another chunk of the movie Keanu was stuck in some innerstellar computerized train station or something. Meanwhile the better actors pushed the story, or whatever you want to call the events that happen in the movie, forward.

As usual his faced stayed in the same position. His lines rarely strayed from his "I'm reading this as I say it out loud" style. Basically the movie was pretty bad, and Keanu was even worse.

Waterworld: Day 4

This post is part of an ongoing project where I attempt to watch all of Waterworld in 5 minute chunks.

Alright Costner is still at the bar and he was just served a tiny cup of water. The ugly wrestler looking dude walks up and mubles a little bit. Costner looks around and sees he is surrounded. The wrestler compliments his boots...which is a little strange if you ask me. Then a little girl with cornrows walks up. She's got a sick tatt on her back, I bet that has some kind of crazy significance to rest of the story! The creepy wrestler is now asking Cosnter about taking baths, this interaction is getting pretty uncomfortable. Costner asks about a tomato plant at the bar and the tender tries to steal all his money. Then she says it'll cost half his chips. He buys it and is now walking to his boat. With the bartender/shop keeper.

Ohhhhhh now a group of old people led by a Morgan Freeman looking man is approaching Costner. I keep accidental typing Swayze instead of Costner, which I assume is my subconscious telling me this would be WAY better with the late great Mr. Patrick Swayze as the lead. Now the group of village elders is asking for Costners seed. They want him to knock up a young girl that lives in the village in exchange for supplies. One of the elders whistled when Costner declined the offer. Somebody attacks him and OH DEAR GOD COSTNER'S GOT GILLS! AND I think he's about to drown a dude. Or stab him under water. There is a lot of stabbing going on right now. A riot has started and Costner is stuck in a net.

The sheriff is back! And he saved Costner. Finally a voice of reason. As the sheriff forces the villagers to release our hero we see a man turn a knob and lights turn on in the island village as it becomes night.

Love/Hate: Watching Modern Family on Hulu

Love: Modern Family.
In 3 short episodes Ed O'Neil has won me over. I never liked O'Neil as Al Bundy in Married with Children, but his portrayal of Jay Pritchett on ABC's Modern Family is incredible. The show itself if incredible. It feels like the creators took a little bit of Arrested Deveopment and gave it a whole lot of heart. The show follows three seperate couples that are all related and tells their stories. It may sound pretty standard but the show really excells at what it is trying to do. It is an funny, emotional story about a family living in today's society.Hate: Watching shows on Hulu
Yes, it is free. Yes, it is easy. But man sometimes I just hate watching stuff on Hulu. It seems like every other time I try and watch something on the popular streaming tv website I find that I spend about as much time watching my video buffer as I do watching my shows. It's not that I have a bad internet connection, I can stream, download, play, and dilly dally online at great speeds but when I get onto Hulu sometimes it just disappears. It's a shame too because Hulu provides a great service the way it is right now.

The Adult Swim Takeover

Co-Written by Carly Hallman

In eight short years, Cartoon Network's Adult Swim has evolved from a twice-weekly late-night break from children's programming and into a powerful media empire in its own right. Adult Swim, which now airs every night between 9 p.m. and 5 a.m. Central Time, has spawned a host of offshoots, live events, and imitators.

Merchandise
If a talking rabbit and a pants-wearing sea sponge can have their own derivative t-shirts and toys, why can’t a street-wise, trash-talkin’ wad of meat? Like any good media empire, Adult Swim has begun the process of turning everything magical into something purchasable. Adultswim.com offers fans a large variety of “to-be-expected” merchandise and apparel, as well as a few cleverer items-- the website is currently offering fans a chance to fill their own DVD with 110 minutes of their favorite Adult Swim show episodes. The party, and the buck, doesn’t stop online, though. Josh Feldman, VP of ad sales and marketing for Adult Swim, said “[We have an] obligation to stay true to the network's brand when creating marketing partnerships.” So, what corporations has Feldman deemed worthy? Mall-staple Hot Topic hawks t-shirts, plush toys, and other assorted knick-knacks, and Adult Swim partnered with Midway Games to release 2007’s Aqua Teen Hunger Force Zombie Ninja Pro-Am for PlayStation 2.

Ratings
Since its first night on air, Adult Swim has rated well according to Nielson Media Group. But in 2007, when Nielson began to include college-aged viewers in their surveys, Adult Swim’s ratings skyrocketed. Currently, Adult Swim is one of the most popular late-night destinations for channel-surfing adults aged 18-34. The station continues to break ratings records for both men and women in said age group.

Live Shows/Appearances
Rock stars do tours. Best-selling authors do tours. Politicians do tours. Now, thanks to Adult Swim, weirdos, misfits, and fictional characters do tours, too. In 2008, resident Adult Swim oddballs Tim and Eric performed in festivals and clubs across the country on a sold-out 14-city American tour, and in 2009, embarked on a second tour. T&E describe their live act as a “fast-paced, live variety show complete with short films, parodies, pranks and musical numbers.” Others on Adult Swim’s payroll are hopping on the bandwagon. Aqua Teen Hunger Force creators and voice actors, Dana Snyder and Dave Willis, recently appeared at Austin’s Alamo Drafthouse for two nights of short films, stand-up comedy and audience-participation activities involving kazoos and “Squidbillies” DVD giveaways.

Movies
In 2007, Adult Swim released their first movie “Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters” which was based on the animated comedy “Aqua Teen Hunger Force.” And while the film, which told a twisted version of the Aqua Teens origins, was critically unsuccessful, it still managed to gross around $5.5 million (not bad for a $750,000 budget). Adult Swim currently has plans for a sequel, tentatively titled “Death Fighter,” that is set to release in 2011.

Imitators
Other networks, after seeing how successful Adult Swim has been with their programming, have tried to achieve similar success with shows that bear striking resemblance, in style and sense-of-humor, to those on Adult Swim. Both “Tripping the Rift” and “Drawn Together” are adult-themed animated shows that arrived on the scene just after Adult Swim started seeing big rating numbers. Neither “Tripping” nor “Drawn Together” has performed quite as well as their Adult Swim counterparts, but thanks in large part to Adult Swim paving the cartoon “road less traveled,” both have found decent-sized audiences.

Zac Efron's Twilight Induced Break

Just read a funny little article about Zac Efron and his gratitude to teen-heart-throb-of-the-moment Robert Pattinson for taking the spotlight momentarily.

Teens, moms, and tweens are currently all feasting on pictures, interviews, movies, and magazines that have Pattinson's face plastered on them right now because of this weekends release of The Twilight Sage: New Moon. This gives Efron a chance to take a breath. Here is a link to the full article.

I typically try not to think too much about the life of a teen heart throb as my oppurunity to be one has long since passed me by. But on the off chance I do think about it things like this rarely cross my mind. If I was in Efron's shoes would I be thankful or jealous? Can't really say. More power to him though for embracing the break.

Efron's newest flick Me And Orson Welles comes out this Wednesday.

Waterworld: Day 3

This post is part of an ongoing project where I attempt to watch all of Waterworld in 5 minute chunks.

The boat continues to sail and eventually makes its way to a giant floating fortress.
Costner has to show his wares in order to get in. They still won't let him so he shows off his big jar of dirt. Astonishment! The gates open to reveal an awe inspiring city atop the water. Maybe it isn't awe inspiring...but whoever was in charge of composing music for this movie thought it was. Costner looks around and sees some people scavenging the dead corpse of a hammer head shark. Then a giant tree that is some how alive on a man made island? I'm glad that I know very little about science of this would be a tough one to believe.

Someone is chanting. And I think there is a funeral. Now Costner is docking is boat. He wows the local hoodlums with a beat up rear view mirror. Some Mickey Rourke lookin dude seems to be the sheriff of this here town. Tell Costner he's got one hour. It is so difficult to watch this and not think about how directly it rips off the world of Mad Max.

Now we're at the local merchant's shop and Costner is trying to trade his dirt for money. Hmmmm kinda like trying to make people pay to watch this movie. The guy tastes the dirt, you know to make sure it's dirt. 3.2 Kilos! That is a lot of dirt! 62 chits for all that dirt. Costner asks for twice that AND GETS IT! Now a evil looking guy is bribing some homeless guy for information with water. The guy looks like a 90's era pro wrestler. Costner walks up and asks some lady where the store is and she tells his he's looking at it. The camera comically pans down all the empty shelves.


Old News: Predators Cast

I don't how this slipped past my radar but according to /film Adrian Brody has been cast as the lead in the Robert Rodriguez produced Predator reboot Predators. The article also reports that Topher Grace might also be involved. Last I remember the only confirmed cast member was Danny Trejo. Still no announcment on whether Carl Weathers will be reprising his role.

80's Rocker Time Machine

Here is a quick glimpse of my past life as a burnt out 80's rocker.

Movie Review: King Corn

Documentaries are tricky business. On one hand they can be an entertaining exploration of something that most viewers won't really have knowledge on (think "King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters" the Donkey Kong documentary that came out a couple years ago) but on the other hand they can be a boring waste of an hour and half where a monotone narrator tries to make you feel bad about something that is happening in the world. King Corn falls somewhere in the middle of those two extremes.

The film follows two college friends as they move to Iowa to grow an acres worth of corn. Along the way they learn all about how dependent this country, and the world, is on the production of corn. The filmmakers never directly condemn the mass production of corn but we are shown enough footage to get the point. King Corn shows us what it thinks without pounding into our head over and over again.

To top it all off the movie has got a pretty good sense of humor too. Unless it is about something that I personally have a huge interest in I try and avoid documentaries, in fact I wasn't all too excited when my girlfriend suggested this one but King Corn was as entertaining as it was educational.

Whedon's Dollhouse Canceled

Why is it that every time one of my favorite shows gets canceled that Fox is at the helm? They aren't terrible shows. First it was Futurama, which is o.k. I guess, at least they managed to go 5 seasons without getting the cord pulled. Next was Firefly. Then they hit me with a big one. Arrested Development, which is as far as I'm concerned the funniest program that has ever and will ever be on T.V. I thought it was over, but news broke today the Fox has canceled Joss Whedon's science fiction show Dollhouse.

Dollhouse took awhile for me to really get into, but once it started to pick up I was in it. The acting was great, the story incredible, and the pace perfect but still Fox couldn't find the right viewers. Seems like that is always the problem. Maybe Fox just doesn't put enough effort into properly marketing their programing.

Unfortunately that is something I can't change and with that I leave you a short video of David Cross' opinion on the matter. (Video includes some profanity)