Waterworld: Day 3

This post is part of an ongoing project where I attempt to watch all of Waterworld in 5 minute chunks.

The boat continues to sail and eventually makes its way to a giant floating fortress. Costner has to show his wares in order to get in. They still won't let him so he shows off his big jar of dirt. Astonishment! The gates open to reveal an awe inspiring city atop the water. Maybe it isn't awe inspiring...but whoever was in charge of composing music for this movie thought it was. Costner looks around and sees some people scavenging the dead corpse of a hammer head shark. Then a giant tree that is some how alive on a man made island? I'm glad that I know very little about science of this would be a tough one to believe.

Someone is chanting. And I think there is a funeral. Now Costner is docking is boat. He wows the local hoodlums with a beat up rear view mirror. Some Mickey Rourke lookin dude seems to be the sheriff of this here town. Tell Costner he's got one hour. It is so difficult to watch this and not think about how directly it rips off the world of Mad Max.

Now we're at the local merchant's shop and Costner is trying to trade his dirt for money. Hmmmm kinda like trying to make people pay to watch this movie. The guy tastes the dirt, you know to make sure it's dirt. 3.2 Kilos! That is a lot of dirt! 62 chits for all that dirt. Costner asks for twice that AND GETS IT! Now a evil looking guy is bribing some homeless guy for information with water. The guy looks like a 90's era pro wrestler. Costner walks up and asks some lady where the store is and she tells his he's looking at it. The camera comically pans down all the empty shelves.

Old News: Predators Cast

I don't how this slipped past my radar but according to /film Adrian Brody has been cast as the lead in the Robert Rodriguez produced Predator reboot Predators. The article also reports that Topher Grace might also be involved. Last I remember the only confirmed cast member was Danny Trejo. Still no announcment on whether Carl Weathers will be reprising his role.

80's Rocker Time Machine

Here is a quick glimpse of my past life as a burnt out 80's rocker.

Movie Review: King Corn

Documentaries are tricky business. On one hand they can be an entertaining exploration of something that most viewers won't really have knowledge on (think "King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters" the Donkey Kong documentary that came out a couple years ago) but on the other hand they can be a boring waste of an hour and half where a monotone narrator tries to make you feel bad about something that is happening in the world. King Corn falls somewhere in the middle of those two extremes.

The film follows two college friends as they move to Iowa to grow an acres worth of corn. Along the way they learn all about how dependent this country, and the world, is on the production of corn. The filmmakers never directly condemn the mass production of corn but we are shown enough footage to get the point. King Corn shows us what it thinks without pounding into our head over and over again.

To top it all off the movie has got a pretty good sense of humor too. Unless it is about something that I personally have a huge interest in I try and avoid documentaries, in fact I wasn't all too excited when my girlfriend suggested this one but King Corn was as entertaining as it was educational.

Whedon's Dollhouse Canceled

Why is it that every time one of my favorite shows gets canceled that Fox is at the helm? They aren't terrible shows. First it was Futurama, which is o.k. I guess, at least they managed to go 5 seasons without getting the cord pulled. Next was Firefly. Then they hit me with a big one. Arrested Development, which is as far as I'm concerned the funniest program that has ever and will ever be on T.V. I thought it was over, but news broke today the Fox has canceled Joss Whedon's science fiction show Dollhouse.

Dollhouse took awhile for me to really get into, but once it started to pick up I was in it. The acting was great, the story incredible, and the pace perfect but still Fox couldn't find the right viewers. Seems like that is always the problem. Maybe Fox just doesn't put enough effort into properly marketing their programing.

Unfortunately that is something I can't change and with that I leave you a short video of David Cross' opinion on the matter. (Video includes some profanity)

Waterworld: Day 2

This post is part of an ongoing project where I watch 5 minutes of Waterworld a day until I finish it.

Day 2: We are starting with some action today. Costner jumps up and is arming his mounted harpoon gun. He looks mad. There is a man in another boat...wearing nearly nothing. They start communicatiing in a language that I'm not familar with. I think they're bartering. This naked dude is bad news. Costner and I can both tell. Costner is trying to make a deal, but he looks weary. Apparently there is a supply station eight days east of where they are. Costner says "Nothings free in Waterworld." That quote should probably be on the movie poster, or in the trailer or something.

Camera cuts to some gross lookin gentlemen that are sitting on some Mad Max style jet skis. They look like trouble. Haven't shaved or bathed in a long while. The naked guy calls them smokers and then starts trying to escape. He admits he stole the limes as he sails away. Costner swings over to his tree to double check he then sets his sails up. Now the boat looks cool! The Mad Max lookin guys are astonished and they have guns! They are heading twords Costners shipping in a race for some supplies that are floating in the ocean. Costner grabs the supplies and turns the boat around to try and get his limes back. The naked guys sees him coming and thinks "Uh Oh!" Costner's boat comes up fast and takes out the naked man's sail. Then the jet ski guys MURDER tha naked guy with they're future guns. We see a lot of dramatic shots of Costner's boat sailing through the night and then he arrives in front of a floating fortress.

Waterworld: Day 1

Today while looking through the movies I could watch on Netflix's streaming service I saw a little jewel. And by jewel I mean of course mean the 175 million dollar turd know only as Waterworld. I myself have never made it all the way through the 136 minute stinker but I've always wanted to try. No I'm a busy guy, and I don't have 2 hours and 15 minutes just laying around in my week to give up to watching a terrible movie...but a do have 5 minutes a day. So for the next few week I'll be give Kevin Costner 5 minutes a day and reporting on it here along side my regular posts. Here is the first 5 minutes of Waterworld and my thoughts as I watch it.

Day 1: The classic Universal logo appears on screen...but ohhh no! All the land is getting covered by water. Hmmmm I guess that's what they mean by "Waterworld." An announcer says something apocalyptic and we see the ocean. Camera comes in a boat lookin thing and then it gets right to the good stuff. This movie is not wasting any time, Costner is peeing into a bucket, filtering it, and then drinking it! He also gives some of it to his tiny little lime tree. Uh oh, something is happening. No we see the interior of the boat. Costner just put some pebbles into a gadget and dove into the water. We're seeing a lot of different gadgets now. Useless stuff like a wind powered harmonica and a bike chair. The pebbles that Costner dropped are now causing some kinda Rube Goldberg like reaction and someone is stealing his ripe limes! Costner has arisen from the water with lots of new junk including some stylish new ski boots and then notices a boat floating next to his. Times up, more tomorrow.